Being wronged proves you are right?

I was out last night, talking politics and gummint with some folks, and one guy decided he needed to make The Important Point Of The Evening. Within two minutes, he had talked over everyone else, gone from calm to, shall we say, rather exercised, and made it clear no one else’s view on the matter was relevant enough to warrant an airing.

In other words, he became a total dick. Life is too short for such shit, so I drank the last of my beer, got up and left. Without a word. He didn’t deserve it.

What’s most disappointing to me is that this guy’s heart is in the right place. I agreed with him on general principle, but I also felt he was wrong on some points. If you had gone around the table and asked everyone present, you would have found us agreeing with him and each other on about 90% of the matter under discussion.

But that 10%, that little bit that meant so much to him and on which others were not on-board. That 10% where his beliefs said “This is right!” and mine said, “I don’t agree” and everyone else said, “Leave me the fuck out of this”. That tiny bit of difference that made all the difference to him. The rest of us were willing to let that bit slide by; it didn’t matter to us who was right or wrong. It mattered a whole lot to him. That little bit had to be agreed on by everyone or else the entirety of what he believed was being rejected — even when it wasn’t. In his mind, it was all or nothing.

We lefties can be like that. Our beliefs systems are not based on institutionalized religion or a belief in national or corporate power like the beliefs of conservatives and tea partiers. But many of us believe as fervently and tolerate as little disagreement. Which is stupid, of course, but that’s what people do: stupid things because We Know We Are Right.

“Truth” is an ugly bitch.

As I said, as soon as he turned on me, I left. I’ve taken the opposite tact too often: sat and argued and gotten all riled up. It is a pointless effort. For him, the rejection of his beliefs, as he sees the refusal to agree with the entirety of his argument is an affirmation of how right he is. He forces disagreement and even an abrupt departure in order to prove to himself just how right he is by how wronged he is. In fact, if people were to agree with him, he’d be lost. A major component of his belief system is that very few people are able to understand The Truth as he does. Martyrdom is crucial to proving to himself just how close he is to The Truth.

We’ve all seen that, way too often. Many of us have been that person; it’s a temptation difficult to resist. Perhaps it’s because liberals and progressives believe so strongly in rationality, facts and logic that we have trouble dealing with other approaches to reality. When it’s a wingnut declaiming God’s Own Truth, it’s easy to deal with: religious fanatic, wackjob, Rep Bachman. But when it’s one of our own, then it’s a lot more difficult. Not just because of the cannonball dive into irrationality, but because, apart from the small bit of difference, we pretty much are on the same page as the person who has become a left-wing version of a raving TPer. And we see too much of ourself in that person.

What a waste of time, energy and emotion.

The stakes we face are so great, and the time to deal with our issues so limited, that we cannot afford to waste time, energy and emotion on the little bullshit. Fuck that 10% difference. If we can agree on enough to move one more step forward, good enough. Load ‘em up, move ‘em out. The number of issues on which I know I am Right is amazingly huge; alas, I am forced daily to “let it go” on issue after issue after issue because of one tiny problem: not everyone in the universe agrees with me 100% of the time. When you folks want me to ascend on high and make all decisions for you, let me know. In the meantime, my choices are to fly into a rage when you disagree with me over some point — or let it go.

Because while being wronged may prove to some how right they are, being wrong shows me a bit more of the right path I need to follow.