I give up

I am politically active because I want to fix the world. I do not like much of what I see about the world, and I think I know how things can be better. Or how they can become better — not the same thing. I believe in the process of making things better through grassroots activism: people getting involved in their communities to put into effect what they believe in. For me, this is the essence of progressive politics. As for what it is that gets put into effect, I believe that liberal goals and values are the ones progressives because these benefit all people. Conservatism benefits those who already have some to conserve; should pursue. Liberalism helps those who are struggling, who lack power, wealth or resources tend to be cast aside by conservatism. Liberalism is aimed not only at those who have something worth preserving in the first place; it aims to bring all people to a basic level of health, opportunity and justice.

I am also politically active because I want the world to run the way I think is best. Just to be fully honest here. I make no claims to Ultimate Truth (other than to state there is no Ultimate Truth), so I will not claim that what I believe is Right and, therefore, Everyone Should See Things My Way. But I do believe that what I believe is a good thing; I honestly believe if I could shape the world to match my vision of the good, right and just, most people would be happy and well-off. But that’s only a belief, and I’m well aware many others not only believe the same thing, they believe they get that information straight from God.

I am not quite that arrogant (although I used to be). Still, I do think what I believe is good, and I have a desire for the world to be refashioned according to my beliefs. Which is never going to happen, something else I am well aware of. With seven billion people and growing, I will, at best, find a few people who agree with me on a number of points, and we’ll work together on a few of those things and maybe, if we work the system better than others and have the right luck, we’ll get some changes in one or two ways in how government works, how our community does things, etc. If we are extraordinarily fortunate in how things work out, these things will be significant and lead to other changes for the betterment of the world (as we see it). But for the most part, I can struggle with all my will and energy for years and find more frustration than satisfaction.

That sucks. That just totally blows chunks. Life is too short, and mine is almost half-gone. I’m through wasting my time on nonsense. I watch what’s going on around the country, and it makes me numb with disbelief, disgust and rage. I see stupid things going on and I know I can do nothing about them. I can call my Senator or Representative, I can join an organization, I can volunteer and be part of a body of thousands working on a single issue. But in the end, I can do nothing. I did a ton of volunteering for Measures 66 & 67, but I did not make the difference in that campaign. Yes, I know about cumulative effort; that’s not the point here. The point is what I, as an individual can do, and that is: nothing.

So I’m through trying. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it will no longer be trying to fix the world. I cannot do that. I’ve made myself sick trying. I have almost broken myself in half trying to be the one to fix the world. I thought if I volunteered enough, wrote enough, studied enough, cared enough; if I did something-and-everything enough, I could fix the world. Hell, I freaking thought it was inevitable I would fix the world.

What a maroon.

So as it says in the Good Book, fuck that shit. You want to fix the world? Yea, good luck on that. Text me when you get there. I have to figure out something else to do. It will probably involve keeping myself informed, writing, volunteering, donating money, working with others on campaigns — going through the same motions as I have been doing for most of the past seven-plus years. But with this difference: I am longer going to act with my old intention. If I volunteer, it won’t be to fix the world; it will be because there is a reason other than it is a way for me to shape and control the universe. Because there are two things about trying to shape and control the universe I can state with certainty:

It’s exhausting work.

And I suck at it.