i'm trying to find my way,
as the new year starts,
between idiot optimism
and unnecessary cynicism.
i don't trust myself
to make this year
the one where all
my dreams come true.
on the other hand,
i won't survive a repeat
of the worst year of my life.
i am counting on how very much
i did hate the past year, 
how much i hated the person
and all that i didn't do –
i believe that having lived that year,
i'm going to be able to make this year
a lot less shitty.
i have
some thoughts,
some hopes,
some plans;
but the only one
likely to succeed
is the one where
i run to the edge of the abyss
and leap into the emptiness
with my eyes wide open.