because my brain
is not broken
but badly wired,
the way to fix
my life
turns out to be
a lot of hard work
and not
the application
of magic.
a lot of thinking
followed by
moment-to-moment
awareness
and
understanding.
in short,
i have to watch
my own stupid brain
at work
almost all the time.
it’s like i’m
being punished
for being
mentally ill,
and it’s not even
my own damn fault.
to make it all worse,
at some point
i have to do things
my brain is begging me
not to do.
listen to my brain.
ignore my brain.
fuck my brain!
even now
thoughts & demands
and a whole bunch of
wanting to hide away
for the rest of my life.

one step back,
and the noise evaporates.
like traffic on the street
a block away:
a reminder
something is there
but it just doesn’t matter
right now.