that’s what i need!
a serum,
like in a bad sf movie
where the mad scientist
never needs to sleep again
and don’t call me mad!
i see more clearly
than you can ever hope –
yea like that
but without the craziness
side-effects.
it’s not so much sleep
i don’t like;
as a mandatory feature of life,
it’s not so bad.
it’s waking
i could do without.
or, rather,
the need i find
waiting for me every morning
to remind myself
yet again
not to panic,
that it’s under control,
enough control, at least,
not to need to panic
with my first waking thoughts.
every morning.
first thoughts.
“o shit, i can’t do this”
but i can
and i know i can.
i’m just so tired
of the daily awakening to
fear and despair.
a day should begin with brightness.
i wake each morning
to a moment of darkness
that rides in my mind
all the rest of the day.