i made the mistake
of opening myself up
to my own scrutiny.
i was not disgusted
by seeing myself
open and exposed.
it broke my heart.
this was me.
this was my life,
the life i have lived
without pity
without hope
without the care
of the one person
who could have
changed it all.
i was left alone,
i paid that price,
and then i made the mistake
of not keeping my eyes closed.
it’s too late now.
i have no choice
but to find a way
to prove to myself
my entire life
has not been
a waste of time.