screaming at myself
after the fact
is a pointless exercise,
but it is a good way
to make a bad situation
worse.
start with stress,
move on to dumb,
and then top off with
a bunch of self-recriminations
and there you go:
a miserable way
to spend a day.
does punching myself
in the proverbial mouth
help in the slightest?
nope. not even.
but it’s my habit
and it feels so familiar
it’s almost comforting.
except, i hate it.
and it’s so easy to move
from “i hate it”
to “i hate me”.
dumb mistakes
are not the problem.
the choice to use them
to feed my anxiety
is a problem,
but it’s a problem
i can make vanish
with a breath in,
and a breath out,
and moving on.