T.A. Barnhart

carpe bucko

stupid brain

The Buddha’s teachings about thoughts are pretty good, centered on “here and now”. Mental illness makes that tricky to apply, like trying to walk to the hospital with a busted leg. Or two.

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T.A. Barnhart
disability

Disabilities can be invisible. Just because a person does not have an apparent physical disability does not mean they are “normally” abled. Mental illness is a disability. Which means ableism is also an issue.

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T.A. Barnhart
sharing with family

Last night, I finally wrote my family and told them about my depression. Today, I wrote a blog about that. Not the tightest writing ever, but hey. I wrote something. That’s a win.

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T.A. Barnhart
panic

I’ve never dealt well with adversity, and it seems that the more I learn about my mental health/illness, the worse it becomes – at times. Context is critical. Thankfully, I am finding a way to deal with it, although it’s not something that works at 70mph on the freeway.

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T.A. Barnhart
victimization

It would be easy to walk, or drift, into Permanent Victimhood. But I’ve known those people, and I don’t want to be those people. I trying for a more positive & productive life.

I want to be healthy.

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T.A. Barnhart
mush brain & avoidance

I think about the steps to take to be able to write regularly and freely, and the word “discipline” comes to mind: discipline to meditate regularly and help clear out my mind; discipline to not waste time; discipline to set and keep regular writing times.

I know, of course, that I am not dealing with moral failure but mental illness.

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T.A. Barnhart
diverted attention

Facebook has a lot to offer, but, if you are not careful, it can extract quite a price. I have been paying that price without realizing it, so a change is necessary. A return to basics. To essentials.

To writing and not Facebooking.

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T.A. Barnhart
at last, an ending

A lifetime of moving forward? Not so much. So many opportunities for what should have been endings leading to new beginnings, but all I’ve done is drift from one place to the next with no resolution, no forward focus. Just pointless movement, and not even forward.

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T.A. Barnhart
next step

That’s what I figured out yesterday: Write. Don’t plan, don’t prepare. Write. As Harlan Ellison said, “Writers write”.

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T.A. Barnhart
telling the story

I begin the telling the story of my journey from sad and lonely little boy to spirit-filled fundamentalist Christian to atheist Buddhist. Shame plays a big role. Whee.

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T.A. Barnhart
Exploration 2018

It’s like exercise, of course: either it’s regular and effective, or it’s not. There’s no middle ground being “doing” and “not doing”. Just ask Yoda

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T.A. Barnhart