Carpe Bucko is my mental health blog. It began as part of a blogging challenge; it continues as part of life challenge.
I’ve never dealt well with adversity, and it seems that the more I learn about my mental health/illness, the worse it becomes – at times. Context is critical. Thankfully, I am finding a way to deal with it, although it’s not something that works at 70mph on the freeway.
It would be easy to walk, or drift, into Permanent Victimhood. But I’ve known those people, and I don’t want to be those people. I trying for a more positive & productive life.
I want to be healthy.
Weird stuff happens every day, but some days the weird takes on a meaningful appearance. I wonder what it’s all about.
I’m done with projects and big ideas and plans to turn myself into Oregon’s Premier Political Podcaster or any other such nonsense.
Transforming unthinking habits into intentional rituals.
And I don’t think highly of thuggish gods.
I think about the steps to take to be able to write regularly and freely, and the word “discipline” comes to mind: discipline to meditate regularly and help clear out my mind; discipline to not waste time; discipline to set and keep regular writing times.
I know, of course, that I am not dealing with moral failure but mental illness.
Facebook has a lot to offer, but, if you are not careful, it can extract quite a price. I have been paying that price without realizing it, so a change is necessary. A return to basics. To essentials.
To writing and not Facebooking.
A lifetime of moving forward? Not so much. So many opportunities for what should have been endings leading to new beginnings, but all I’ve done is drift from one place to the next with no resolution, no forward focus. Just pointless movement, and not even forward.
That’s what I figured out yesterday: Write. Don’t plan, don’t prepare. Write. As Harlan Ellison said, “Writers write”.
I have not figured out what to do next. So I tread water, waste time, wander down tangents, regret the lost and wasted time.