Carpe Bucko is my mental health blog. It began as part of a blogging challenge; it continues as part of life challenge.
Facebook has a lot to offer, but, if you are not careful, it can extract quite a price. I have been paying that price without realizing it, so a change is necessary. A return to basics. To essentials.
To writing and not Facebooking.
A lifetime of moving forward? Not so much. So many opportunities for what should have been endings leading to new beginnings, but all I’ve done is drift from one place to the next with no resolution, no forward focus. Just pointless movement, and not even forward.
That’s what I figured out yesterday: Write. Don’t plan, don’t prepare. Write. As Harlan Ellison said, “Writers write”.
I have not figured out what to do next. So I tread water, waste time, wander down tangents, regret the lost and wasted time.
I am listening to a voice in my head explain why I cannot do the things I want to do. Nicci wanted to know: where did that voice come from?
“What voices do you listen to”? my therapist, Nicci, asked. Someone kept telling me I was a bad person; who was it that I was listening to?
I begin the telling the story of my journey from sad and lonely little boy to spirit-filled fundamentalist Christian to atheist Buddhist. Shame plays a big role. Whee.
Not lonely, not happy. Not an easy one to unwrap, but it's a start towards what I need to learn.
It’s like exercise, of course: either it’s regular and effective, or it’s not. There’s no middle ground being “doing” and “not doing”. Just ask Yoda
Welp, another year, another chance to not live 365 days and finish it by saying, “Ok, next year I’ll get this sucker right”.