Carpe Bucko is my mental health blog. It began as part of a blogging challenge; it continues as part of life challenge.
I have not figured out what to do next. So I tread water, waste time, wander down tangents, regret the lost and wasted time.
I am listening to a voice in my head explain why I cannot do the things I want to do. Nicci wanted to know: where did that voice come from?
“What voices do you listen to”? my therapist, Nicci, asked. Someone kept telling me I was a bad person; who was it that I was listening to?
I begin the telling the story of my journey from sad and lonely little boy to spirit-filled fundamentalist Christian to atheist Buddhist. Shame plays a big role. Whee.
Not lonely, not happy. Not an easy one to unwrap, but it's a start towards what I need to learn.
It’s like exercise, of course: either it’s regular and effective, or it’s not. There’s no middle ground being “doing” and “not doing”. Just ask Yoda
Welp, another year, another chance to not live 365 days and finish it by saying, “Ok, next year I’ll get this sucker right”.
That’s how my my mental illness works: I frequently ignore what I know is the smart thing to do and, even worse, what I know I want to do.
Last week, after a great visit with my mental health counselor, I came up with a new process for setting priorities and for moving forward towards my goals. This week, it all blew up.