Carpe Bucko is my mental health blog. It began as part of a blogging challenge; it continues as part of life challenge.
How can so many free hours in a day, day after day, not result in a full, productive life? What the hell is wrong with me? And who is this baker that does more in a morning than I get done in a week?
2018 was an awful year for me, the culmination of a number of increasingly bad years for my mental health. I’ve had enough of that shit; this is close enough to the bottom for me, so time to head upwards. Being more intentional with this blog is part of that. Not that posting this at the end of February says a lot about this intent….
2018 was rock bottom. Hallelujah! 2019 gets a head start on things, especially as I become a shopper for the right mental health treatment.
Shame is something I’ve begun to think about, since it is starting to seem possible that that’s the root of my mental health issues. But I know almost nothing about shame, so I am glad to have been pointed to Brené Brown. This is the beginning of me beginning to learn.
It feels weird to talk about taking life lessons from a fantasy anime, but here I go. But also from a science fiction audiobook and one of the most famous memes before memes were a thing.
Belief in God is not necessary in order to be thankful, even on Thanksiving. The Japanese provide a guide to mindful gratitude in one simple phrase: いただきます
The Buddha’s teachings about thoughts are pretty good, centered on “here and now”. Mental illness makes that tricky to apply, like trying to walk to the hospital with a busted leg. Or two.
Disabilities can be invisible. Just because a person does not have an apparent physical disability does not mean they are “normally” abled. Mental illness is a disability. Which means ableism is also an issue.
Last night, I finally wrote my family and told them about my depression. Today, I wrote a blog about that. Not the tightest writing ever, but hey. I wrote something. That’s a win.
I’ve never dealt well with adversity, and it seems that the more I learn about my mental health/illness, the worse it becomes – at times. Context is critical. Thankfully, I am finding a way to deal with it, although it’s not something that works at 70mph on the freeway.